Birthday I'd Rather Forget On my birthday I had the worst of luck, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I was walking my "Fat Ass" (as my stupid husband would say) home. On the way home I passed gas a few times (as I had consumed some Baked Beans and garlic bread for lunch). Upon my arrival home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one rip. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off a couple more. The smell was worse than cooked cabbage! Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room (as I did not want to get caught). When the telephone call ended and I knew that my husband was coming back, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin to get the smell away. I placed the napkin back on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and a bunch of dinner guests were seated around the table and they all yelled: "Happy Birthday!" ........................I fainted!!!!!
