So this morning I had to scurry to the restroom because I had a case of explosive fecal matter.... on my way there I was actually holding my ass.... when I finally let lose the evil that was in my bowel , I started thinking, what good is holding your ass crack when you don't want to shit your pants, you will end up shitting your pants anyhow except you had the variable of your hand. So in reality you will be shitting through your pants to your hand and that is a whole lotta badness. discussoh:
Basically...you need to use the two handed method...where you push your butt cheeks together as hard as you can...keeping any larger pieces of said fecal mater from escaping prematurely... however...if said fecal matter is in liquid form...your oop: out of luck hahahahahaha
Anal exorcisms are never fun. Ever. I always thought the best question was: "Are you sure it'll fit?" :grin:
Chris it appears you have something waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy beyond IRS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome would be like a mosquito bite to you lol.
Well here is a method that is more widely used, I will try to explain: When the said evil begins to crown follow these steps to the T: 1st - Find something hard to sit on i.e. Concrete. 2nd - With your hands press on both sides of your butt, pushing your cheeks inward toward the crowning. 3rd - Lift your legs up off the ground and hold them, thus applying more pressure to the crowning where the said evil has been known to come out. Hold this position for about 1 - 2 minutes the evil will subside (temporarily), now run as fast as you can to the nearest bathroom or vacant area. Hold on to something as the evils pressure will be very strong and some upward thrust has been known to exist.
Anybody watch flavor of love? I say just pull down your pants wherever you are, let it out, and pretend nothing happened. Oh, and try to keep the auditory turds quiet on the way out. This is key to remaining discreet.
